Are You Really Listening?

By Casey L. Truffo

Many couples already understand that listening to each other is critical to building and maintaining a good relationship. On the other hand, too often they equate "listening" with simply remaining quiet while the other person speaks. In their own head they might be thinking, "Oh, I've heard all this before." Maybe they're busy thinking of the best response before their partner is even done talking. For that matter, their mind might be wandering to plans for a round of golf this weekend. That doesn't make someone a bad person, but if their partner is genuinely trying to convey something that's important to them, or to the relationship - it's a lost opportunity to understand a problem or concern that a partner or spouse really wants to convey. They appear to be listening, but instead they're analyzing, strategizing, or simply hoping whatever concern or frustration they're partner is verbalizing will go away.

So what does it mean to really listen?

• It helps, for starters, to put the shoe on the other foot. When you're talking about something that's on your mind, wouldn't you want to know your partner was truly paying attention to your words, especially if you're expressing a true need, a meaningful thought or just wanting them to understand you a little better? Some people complain that their partner "never talks to them" and fear they never really know what their partner is thinking. If yours wants to talk, try not to take that for granted.

• If the reason you find yourself tuning out is because you feel your partner is being self-absorbed and does not reciprocate by showing interest in your needs, share that thought-but do so carefully and respectfully. Try saying things like, "I really want to hear how you're feeling, but in truth, I'm having a hard time right now too. I want to make sure I have a chance to talk as well." Strike a deal, as silly as it might sound, that you'll take equal turns expressing your thoughts.

• Ask a lot of questions. It not only shows that you're interested, it helps you understand what the other person is really trying to say. Few of us are born as gifted communicators, and asking questions can help your partner clarify their thoughts while helping you understand better. A common therapy tip is to ask your partner if you've heard correctly what they're trying to communicate: "What I think I hear you saying is... " We're not all born as gifted listeners, either, and many misconceptions arise out of simply misunderstanding what the other person is saying. When you repeat back what you think you're hearing, it gives your partner the opportunity to clear up those misconceptions, which can be critical: Maybe you think you're being falsely accused of something, or that your partner has expectations you're not meeting. It's important that you understand exactly what your partner is asking for. Anything less undermines the point of communicating in the first place.

• Try not to "top the story." If your partner needs to talk about a hurtful experience at work or wherever it might be, telling them you've been in similar situations often helps-but sometimes it doesn't. Sensitivity is key. There's a difference between empathy, as in "You know, I felt that way once when... " and dismissal, as in "That happens to everybody (and you should get over it)."

Understand that your partner is experiencing a fresh hurt, frustration or moment of self-doubt. The worst thing you can do is give your partner the impression that his or her problems are "nothing" compared to those of others, including your own.

• Ask what you can do to help. This might be the most important advice I can give. Don't make assumptions. Your partner might not want any help at all; some tend to assume that when someone vents about a problem, it means they're asking for advice, which might not be the case. They just want to share what they're going through.

On the other hand, if the problem involves the relationship itself, you need to listen and respond with as much clarity as possible. Are they expressing something specific they'd like to change about the relationship? Is this something you're willing to do? If not, why? What compromises can you reach?

Don't get me wrong: listening can be hard work, no matter how much we love our partner or spouse. But following these tips can help clarify the discussions and ultimately benefit the relationship in unexpected ways.

If you are considering couples counseling, let the counselors at Orange County Relationship Center help you. Call us today at 949-220-3211 or book your appointment via our online calendar.

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Why Bother With Business Ethics?

By Matt A Dunlop

Many people don't see the financial payoff for having strong business ethics. Why give up that extra $200 a month in false business travel expenses? The company doesn't need it and you do. Why not inflate your sales report for the year? It might mean a promotion.

In fact, there are several ways that ethical behavior can actually make your company money.

Customers choose ethics.

Customers will base their decision whether or not to shop with you partially on ethics.

Think about it this way. If you had a choice between two car salespeople, one who has a reputation for selling stolen vehicles and one who has a reputation for ensuring that the customer gets all the information about a vehicle's past, which would you choose?

Customers appreciate Business Ethics.

Let's say you've purchased a television from a local electronics store. The company calls you back the next day to let you know that you actually overpaid for the TV and that a check for the overcharged amount is in the mail. You'd probably be stupefied. Who admits their mistakes, especially when it costs them money? But the next time you wanted to make an electronics purchase, you would probably remember that incident and go back to that store. Customers reward ethical companies with loyalty.

Employees are more loyal to an ethical company.

If you're working for a company that lies, cheats, and steals, you're apt to think that the company will do the same to you, and you'll probably be less loyal to them as a result.

Ethical companies are more productive.

At one time or another, most of us have taken a sick day when we're really not sick. This is, in essence, lying to and stealing from the company. (Yes, sick days are a benefit of being an employee, but they do cost the company money and must be used wisely.) Studies have shown that employees in ethical offices take less time off and are more productive when they're in the office (probably because they're not gossiping and doing other unethical things!).

An ethical office means lower legal costs.

If your employees are in the habit of lying, cheating, and stealing, someone is going to get caught eventually and it will likely mean a big legal headache (and a big bill) for the company. Nipping unethical behavior in the bud can reduce your chances of a lawsuit.

For more great articles like this one, visit our website! Looking for training on this very topic? We have a solution for you - Trained By Pros Soft Skills Training and Development.

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Ethics: Understanding and Applying: Why Is Public Health A Controversial Issue?

Ethics: Understanding and Applying: Why Is Public Health A Controversial Issue?: By Dr. Tiffany Foster Attempts to resist any change that will directly or indirectly involve spending public money are challenged by the ...

Why Is Public Health A Controversial Issue?

By Dr. Tiffany Foster

Attempts to resist any change that will directly or indirectly involve spending public money are challenged by the opposition group. For instance the drug regiments introduce in the mid-1990s that are capable of controlling the damage HIV/AIDS virus wreaks in the immune system was costing an average of $10,500 for a year's supply. Often times when public health makes their recommendation for ways of preventing and controlling sexually transmitted diseases, government and businesses have an obligation to determine the cause and effect that the recommendation will have on the economy for its affordability and the effect it might have on the general economy.

Politics plays a very prominent role in how public health responds to sexually transmitted diseases. It plays important role because some politicians will not be willing and open to bring upon their constituents any expensive public health measures that would impose additional hardship to his constituents. Consequently, passing such bills will mean denying themselves their constituents vote during elections. These controversies are in part what they are because according to those who pay for the public health measures are not the ones that benefit from it; if bills are not sponsored and pass by the legislators then there is no funding which impacts heavily on how public health responds to situations especially those of sexually transmitted diseases like STDs and HIV/AIDS. Another way politics play an important role could be seen when President Bush forces the center for the disease control to change an effective sex education which involves the use of condoms in preventing the spread of HIV/AIDS with a false data of condom failure rates.

US constitution weighs heavily on individuals liberty and as such every decision, be it for the sake of public health or justice must put into consideration the individuals liberty before the public's interest which is why Beauchamp's arguments in favor of limiting individual's liberty for the common good is consistent with his view of public health as a social justice. Although we are made to believe that the value of an individual's liberty may be more important than the interest of the public health, and safety, this only applies to the certain issues but not in all situations. The government will go along with public health recommendations. Even if it infringes on an individual's liberty if there is no controversies with such recommendations.

Religion and morals with regards to the sexually transmitted diseases particularly the HIV/AIDS was fulminated by the fundamentalist preachers and conservative legislators as God's punishment for abominable behavior and that people with HIV/AIDS deserved their fate. If half of those whose resources funds the public health issues still believe the above statement, then it definitely will affect the role that public health plays in responding to the prevention and control of diseases such as STD and HIV/AIDS.

Challenges and controversies that exist for HIV/AIDS outside United States include funding treatment for those living with HIV/AIDS. Funding is needed to train more medical staff, avoid drug shortages, combine HIV/AIDS care with care for other health problems, reduce HIV stigma and discrimination and make sure that more people use HIV/AIDS counseling and testing services.

Other challenges include the morals and religious issues in educating people on how to control and prevent sexually transmitted infections in some countries. For example, in some cultures discussion of HIV/AIDS is perceive as a taboo and are not welcome for public discussion.

Market Justice emphasizes on individual responsibility and obligation. This line of thought prevents fair distribution of the burdens and benefits of society. While Social Justice infers that distribution of wealth should be a fundamental rights to all strata of income levels. These ideologies are relevant in the sense that individuals that are successful in the society have the resources to fund the HIV/AIDS disease than the less unfortunate members of the society.

Political interference has played important role in this issue because some politicians have used this opportunity to advance their political ideologies. For example, Bush administration was opposed to programs that promote condoms but favors programs that emphasizes on effectiveness of abstinence.

Economics, politics, the value of individual liberty, religion, and morals all play a huge role on how public health responds to the prevention and control of sexually transmitted disease, including HIV/AIDS. These diseases affect most of the public health and they seek the government financially for treatment. The government has to budget money to spend on those infected by these diseases. Each segment of the government's economics is affected. They have to create clinics, hire qualified staff, and provide money grants to support these places. Most of the public health clinics are free and provide services to those who have no insurance. The financial support for STDS has been a strain on the government and continues to be due to the stabilization of these diseases.

For the prevention of STDS, politics has significantly been involved in the intervention in public health. For example, according to the CDC doctors were recommended to do routinely HIV-testing to many of their patients. This happened especially to those who were asking for STD testing, those who may have symptoms of tuberculosis, or pregnant woman coming in for their routine visits. Furthermore, these actions are a progression in the government's implementation in the wellbeing of the public health. However, it is still controversial because an individual's market justice can be violated. They still have the right to opt out of this recommendation.

The value of individual liberty represents the choice by people to accept support through public health. In the case of support from STDS, individuals have the choice to be treated and receive information educating them on prevention. The government can intervene by providing them treatment but also protection to promote safe sex. They also intervene by providing laws that mandate individuals to be reported the health department about those who are infected by HIV/AIDS. This can become controversial in the fact that those who are infected with the disease rights to privacy can be taken away. However, there goal is to make sure that everyone is protected and government policies on public health are implemented.

Religion and morals have similar views when it comes to the topic of HIV/AIDS. They do not support any investments made to do research and find cures for the disease. While the government provides prevention and protection through education by distributing condoms in clinics, religious clergy are against this. They believe in abstinence and use the Bible to support their ideologies. They also do not believe schools should discuss ways of protection from diseases to students. Hence, this will provide reasons for them to engage in sexual activity.

HIV/AIDS is a global pandemic that continues to spread to every part of the world. Many people in other countries still are not educated on ways to protect themselves and receive treatment. Condoms are not easily available as it is in the United States to be protected from these diseases. Many people do not even know they have it and continue to spread it amongst each other. Funding for education and prevention continues to still be the number one challenge for these countries.

The government in each country has to take accountability for their citizens and seek help from first-world countries that can aid in assistance. If they can invest money into mass communication to promote HIV/AIDS prevention then this can allow people to know how they can take initiative in their own health. Once they are informed it is up to an individual to protect themselves. The government can not force people because their market and social justice could be violated. They can only continue to provide resources and hopefully make a difference to lessen the spread of HIV/AIDS.

Public Health and the topic of STD's and HIV/AIDS

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